Brewing up the perfect storm
CUPERTINO, California—April 1, 2011—Apple® today announced that Eric Emerson Schmidt, Chairman/CEO of Google and a former member of the board of directors of Apple Inc. has been selected to succeed current CEO Steve Jobs. As a well-respected and recognized technologist, Schmidt brings more than three decades of networking, content delivery, and management experience to Apple. Schmidt has also been re-appointed to Apple’s Board of Directors.
“Apple has revolutionized the way publishers and users distribute and consume media and data on the Internet and has over 200 million user accounts with credit cards around the world,” said Eric Schmidt, the next CEO of Apple. “In my new role, I look forward to working with our management team to further propel iDevices adoption, capitalize on the company’s growth opportunities, and drive value for our robust ecosystem of partners, which includes consumers, content owners, hardware makers, software developers and network operators.”
“Eric is the right leader for Apple,” said steve Jobs, current CEO at Apple and board member. “Eric possesses the right combination of technology expertise, management experience and back-stabbing. As a known “innovator”, he has what it takes to maintain, if not enhance, Apple’s status as the world’s leading collection of fan boys that will line up to buy iPooh 2.0 with a slight refresh in fragrance and texture.”
Eric Schmidt has served as Google’s chief executive officer (CEO) since 2001 and has been instrumental to the success of Google taking over the world and finding data on their consumers that even their mothers aren’t aware of. With the availability of credit card records at Apple, Schmidt is looking to continued extraction of funds from Apple fanboys that grow at an unheard rate.
Apple designs Macs, the best personal computers in the world, along with OS X, iLife, iWork, the best professional software. Apple leads the digital music revolution with its iPods and iTunes online store. Apple has reinvented the mobile phone with its revolutionary iPhone and App Store, and has recently introduced iPad 2 which is defining the future of mobile media and computing devices.
If you haven’t guessed by now, this article was meant as an April Fool’s Joke – Ed