Six Projects Valve Could Undertake to Avoid Making Half Life 3

By on December 10, 2011

We completely support you, Gabe.

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First Impressions
My reaction is

We love Valve. No, let me correct that – we must love Valve. It’s like a gamer’s mortal sin to not to. In fact, if ‘gaming’ was God, then Valve would be the forbidden fruit, only that not eating it would condemn those to a lifetime supply of ‘Cats & Dogs’ Nintendo games – and they must be finished to completion.

And so, IT is unquestionable. It is the know-all of all things great and majestic, its command and decision above all logic and sense. If it says that it must unnecessarily distract itself by remaking Counter Strike, then yes it must be done. If it says it needlessly has to take on Starcraft II for no apparent reason with the DoTA series who no one really gave two figs about two months back, then yes it must be done. If it says we will still be lamenting about a Half Life 3 to our grand childrens, then we must chorus to “so be-it” on MJ’s popular track.

In fact, to show our devotion to Valve, we have brainstormed six ideas that will provide ample opportunity for them to delay making Half Life 3 as much as they want to and with the right excuses. We only hope that these are taken into consideration.

The Chronicles of Barney: The Origins

Depicting the life before Black Mesa.

Gears of War 3 pretty much ended the story of Delta Squad – there is no more scope left to explore. But I bet my gaming jewels that a spin-off title is already in the works based on a side-character’s pathetic(ally told) story. Hell, even Activision is considering a spin-off title with one of the characters from a Call of Duty game (ha, haha, hahaha) – only because he wears a skeleton mask, and so, is ‘cool’.

So why not our good ol’ Barney? The same Barney who threw a crowbar to Freeman and wished him best of luck with all the cheeriness he could muster in Half Life 2. Remember? What do we know about him? Other than the fact that he studied in Martinson College for two years, is accommodated in Area 8 Topside Dormitories in Black Mesa, and works as a Level 3 security guard who is trained to perform ‘disaster response priority’ when, you know, aliens and stuff happens. What about his life prior to Black Mesa? Who was he? Did he have wife and children? Does he use Facebook? Did he tweet “tried to chat with this guy with a goatee…strangely silent dude” when he cleared Freeman past the door in Half Life 1?

It doesn’t have to be a shooter. It could be a point-and-click ‘Barney-simulator’ which has objectives like ‘find a job’, ‘attend interview with Black Mesa’. It doesn’t matter to be honest, as long as the team is not making Half Life 3.

Age of Empires Castle Blood 2 (only without the Age of Empires bit)

Now imagine this exact same thing but with the Source Engine.

Let me ask you a question: Do you remember Castle Blood for Age of Empires? What? No? Me neither. I was only told of this my by colleague when we were, err, brainstorming these ideas. It’s a random mod…or a map…or some type of game mode developed by some unknown dude with too much time in his hands. It’s an obscure little thing. Which, of course, is perfect! Did you know about Counter Strike ‘the mod’, or Team Fortress ‘the mod’? Let me tell you – no, no you did not. Which is why Valve should totally pick it up, spend millions on making a sequel by not changing much at all because people have already forgotten all about it, and then host a $1 million tournament for it! Hell, we are even ready to lend space for the tournament in our quarterly GamesFest event, don’t you worry Valve.

If you answered yes to the above question, however, then…I mean, whatever dude. Nerd.

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Mufaddal Fakhruddin is the Editor for IGN ME and thinks writing in third person about himself in an about me section is weird.

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